Why haven’t I written in so long? Probably the same reason nothing else in my house got done over the past month. Working 50 hours a week will do that to a person. I have no idea how typical people with families who live in the burbs do it. I find it exhausting. Physically, yes, of course – but more than physically, I find it mentally and psychologically draining. Two things I’ve always treasured are time and silence. I know that without them I go a little crazy. I suffer and the people around me suffer.
Last month, while I was working insane hours I lost one precious thing – time. Then, for two of the weekends, I had house guests and was away for one weekend. As a result, I lost both time and silence and while the visiting was wonderful, I moved a step further away from myself and I didn’t like it one bit.
In a very short time, my priorities shifted. I became one of those people who eats lunch on the metro (gross) because that is the only 15 minutes I had; cleaning my house became a 30-minute process; dishes piled up; my yoga practice was relegated to every second day for 30 minutes (maybe); writing was non-existent; reading was 2 pages in bed with burning eyes. Generally very depressing.
But, here I am – alive and well and with a little time and silence for myself I’m able to bang out a few words. …
So, while my yoga practice has been a little hit or miss in the last month, I do have a few observations to report that you might find interesting.
About a month ago in class, we were doing some backbends – yes, my favourite – and dhanurasana was on the menu for the evening. Not far from my least favourite of poses but I went for it with all I had and suddenly, as I was reaching for my left ankle I heard a pop. This pop was in my muscle (rectus femoris or sartorius – not sure) and the the result was that years (yes, years) of effort: stretching and conditioning that leg little by little to accept a millimetre greater flexibility from there up into the psoas region vanished in one single solitary pop. Gone. Kaputz. My leg was sore so I allowed it to heal. I didn’t push it and when I felt better, I began to gently stretch it again and my earlier suspicions were confirmed. The little mobility I had gained was definitely gone.
If that weren’t frustrating enough. Somehow, simultaneously, all the work I’ve done and progress I’ve made with my right knee mobility has also apparently vanished. I don’t know if the two are related or not, but it’s frustrating as hell. Left hip, right knee – you can go now.
However, I have had some progress in other areas. For the last little (long) while in my private classes, we’ve been working on building the strength in my legs. I have, with the help of my teacher, of course – learned that my legs do not receive all the messages my brain sends it. Let me explain a little.
The fronts of my legs do all the work. When I walk, cycle, and do yoga – I only ever use the fronts of my legs. The backs, no matter what I tell them, simply do not respond. This is just one reason that forward bends are easier for me – my hamstrings are long and flexible, but have no strength so when I need the backs of my legs for backbends or stamina I come up short. So, while on the mat, I’ve been given some tips (and I do them) to try to build up that strength and when on the street, I try to focus on using the backs of my legs for walking, climbing stairs, biking etc. And I’ve noticed some interesting things.
When I use the backs of my legs – it is difficult and tiring. My pace picks up for a bit but then slows down because I have to concentrate so much. But, I also notice that I am lighter on my feet…no longer literally pounding the pavement. Not so heavy in my heels. My lower back is a little less painful. I have hope that the backs of my legs will eventually do the work I need them to. I’m a long way off, but I have noticed slight improvements already when it comes to yoga. You may recall I have a lot of problems with balancing poses like vrksasna and don’t even mention virabhadrasana III to me. Well, I’ve discovered that I while still won’t be on the cover of any magazines (no, that is not a goal!) and there are a million other areas of these poses I need to work on, I can balance a little longer, with a little more stability.
So from my tiptoes, if two steps back (a hip and a knee) and one step forward (slightly stronger hamstrings) is all I can hope for at this point, then I’ll take it. Gladly.
